My editor has a particularly sly sense of humor, so when she suggested I look at new research showing that we age dramatically at two crucial stages in life, I reminded her that the day I was writing was my birthday, and one that was uncomfortably close to one of those two turning points.
This didn’t seem to impress her. “The good news is that you’re past aging, I guess?” my millennial editor replied cheerfully.
Happy birthday to me.
These irresistible years. This incredible feeling of getting older, one year after another, after another – it just keeps happening! Can’t anyone stop it?
Well, I can. It is entirely within my power to stop it. But I will come to that in a moment.
The evidence we have today shows that human molecules, like traffic lights, have two distinct start and stop moments. Stanford University collected a large number of genetic samples from more than 100 volunteers over a seven-year period. The data showed that most molecules in the human body do not change gradually and chronologically over time: Rather, our molecules and microbes seem to have two major bursts on their birthday and crawl out of bed the next day much older but no wiser.
These two mitochondrial milestones are reached at around ages 44 and 60. This may explain why we always seem to use such serious words on these birthdays when we talk about life starting now or starting over.
None of this applies to me
I don’t want to argue with the science, but I would like to point out that researchers have missed several key moments in aging, including but not limited to: surviving your first off-site work meeting, taking your first flight through LAX, and having a baby at age seven. Very few things in your life will age you like these experiences.
What the scientists are trying to say, however, is that these ageing spurts, in which our molecules undergo sudden and significant changes, could explain why certain health problems occur at certain times and whether the life choices we make at that age also affect our health and life expectancy.
(In this way, the researchers are suggesting that people drink too much in their forties, and that’s true.)
Some of this aging, it seems, may be preventable, but some may not.
However, none of this applies to me.
Why not? Well, here’s the most controversial statement I could make about aging: It has almost nothing to do with physiological aging, and absolutely everything to do with attitude.
Given the undeniable physical reality, I view healthy aging as almost entirely a matter of attitude, and I am determined to maintain a noncomplaining and connected attitude that will hopefully distract me from some of the sadder thoughts about aging.
You have certainly experienced this in practice: the older people you know are younger than their age in their attitude, mood and disposition – regardless of their physical abilities or disabilities – and those for whom this is not the case.
Staying active is obviously an important health factor, but it doesn’t always go hand in hand with attitude, and I’ve never seen a stronger ageing force than negativity, nagging, and defeatism. People with this attitude seem to age before your eyes. And they certainly don’t make themselves happy.
The power of attitude
There’s a whole lot of evidence on my side. No matter what my molecules decided when I drank my birthday martini, research from Harvard to the National Institute of Health and back again has shown that a positive attitude greatly influences the outcomes.
And before you get indignant and say that this is superficial given the real pain and discomfort of some aspects of aging, there is an answer to that too, backed up by extensive research: the pain is not made better by a miserable attitude, and it is actually alleviated by a positive mental attitude.
I don’t want to downplay the terrible reality of living with chronic pain and the challenges of aging, but almost all of the latest research and studies show that attitude plays a central role in how one experiences that pain and that it can also impact one’s mood as we age.
The trainers, coaches and sports specialists I know (and sometimes train with) confirm that attitude and mindset are an important factor in aging, even when physical performance declines. But that’s obvious, right?
A better example is disability. People like Kurt Fearnley and Dylan Alcott were born with limited physical abilities and throughout their childhood. Both had choices, with the help of their family and community, about the attitudes they developed towards their realities.
I know healthy people who suffer; I know people with chronic illnesses who suffer. And I know people in both situations who are always looking for the good. I can easily tell you which of them seem to get so much more out of their lives.
I’ve talked about grumpy old women here before (sensing an anxious theme here?), and it’s always the same: There are dozens of reasons older people let their mindsets age with their bodies, and there are thousands of reasons – and cells and molecules and microbes – not to.
Get naked this weekend, get healthy, and get through it: Why grief doesn’t progress through five straight stages – but life has already taught you that, hasn’t it?
And the seven questions are back – with a surprise! My podcast You Don’t Know Me is back with a new season and the shining gem, chef and TV presenter Poh Ling Yeow, is my first guest. In an insightful and heartfelt interview, Poh talks about the social culture that keeps her up at night – and the controversial dish that is her secret favourite. You’ll love it (but maybe not the dish).
Wishing you a safe and happy weekend. The gorgeous and romantic Melbourne band Telenova released their debut album ‘Time is a Flower’ on the 16th – just in time for my birthday – and they clearly knew that the gift I needed was the eternal solace of the dance floor as the years roll on.
This is one of the singles from an album that is very dear to my heart. I hope it finds its way to you.
Go well.
Virginia Trioli is presenter of Creative Types and former co-host of ABC News Breakfast and Mornings on ABC Radio Melbourne.
