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A woman was defended online after she refused to attend her parents’ 30th wedding anniversary celebration when her estranged brother was there.
In a recent post shared on the popular Reddit forum “Am I The A**hole,” the woman admitted that she has been separated from her older brother – who she calls Mark – for more than five years. She explained that while they were close as children, their relationship “deteriorated when he stole $25,000 from her.”
“Without going into too much detail, Mark was going through a difficult time and convinced me to lend him a large sum of money, which he promised to pay back within a year,” she wrote. “I agreed because he was family and I trusted him. But he never paid me back.”
According to the Reddit user, her brother “freaked out” when she confronted him about the money, claiming she was “selfish” and “didn’t care about his problems.” She also noted that the conversation then “devolved into a huge argument” and the two haven’t spoken since.
The woman claimed that for the past five years, her brother has “refused to apologize” or “even admit he did anything wrong.” As a result, not only were their parents “caught in the middle,” but their children’s issues “put a strain on (their) family.” However, they still tried to plan a party with their two children, which angered the Reddit user.
“My parents are planning a big party for their 30th wedding anniversary and have invited both me and Mark. When I saw the WhatsApp group I was shocked to see that Mark was there too,” she wrote. “I called my parents to talk about it and they told me they hoped this party could be an opportunity for us to reconcile. They think enough time has passed and we should stop ‘acting like children’ as my mum said.”
After expressing to her parents that she was “really upset” about her decision to invite her brother, the woman told them that she was “still hurt” by her brother’s behavior and that she was “not ready to be in the same room with him.” Still, her parents tried to get their daughter to change her mind.
“I told them I wouldn’t come if Mark was there. My parents were disappointed and tried to persuade me to change my mind. They said family was more important than money and holding grudges didn’t help anyone,” she continued. “They said it would break their hearts if one of us wasn’t at their anniversary party.”
She admitted that her parents had become “distant” to her since the conversation and that she did not want to “cause them any more pain.” However, she still wanted to stick to her decision to avoid the party if her brother was there.
“I also don’t want to be forced into a situation where I have to pretend that everything is OK with Mark when it’s not,” she concluded. “My friends are divided on this – some think I’m right to stick to my guns, while others think I’m being too stubborn and should leave for my parents’ sake.”
The Reddit post quickly went viral, garnering more than 2,000 upvotes. In the comments, several people defended the woman’s decision to skip the party because of her brother, who had stolen a lot of money from her and had not apologized for it.
“Your parents can invite whoever they want and an invitation is not a summons. You have the right not to go and they have the right to be upset about it. Why is their happiness more important than yours?” wrote one user. “Why is it you who has to change? Mark is unrepentant and has not paid back the money. How do you reconcile with someone who feels no remorse and shows that they would do the same thing again?”
“He hasn’t apologized. He hasn’t paid you back your money. There is no reconciliation or forgiveness without AT LEAST that happening,” another person said.
Some readers criticized Mark’s behavior while offering advice on how to handle the situation, suggesting ways the woman could go to the party without talking to her brother.
“I wonder if you could leave but have your parents tell Mark not to talk to you at all? That way you can both spend time with family but have no contact with each other,” one comment said.
“You certainly don’t have to be in the same room with him,” another replied. “Your parents aren’t assholes for inviting you both. Perhaps, as a very kind gesture on your part, you can offer to be there for the first hour, greet their guests, and then quietly disappear so your brother can be there for the rest. That way, if he does show up at some point, you have the power to leave calmly and quietly.”
