DEAR HARRIETTE: I struggle with the pressure of maintaining an active social life while also battling chronic fatigue.
I used to be the first to say yes to parties. I was the life of every party – I always looked forward to weekends filled with laughter and shared stories. I remember a friend’s birthday party a few months ago where I was eagerly participating in games and dancing until late into the night.
Now I feel like I’m constantly running on reserve, and simple tasks like getting ready for a night on the town can feel overwhelmingly exhausting. Last week I had to cancel a friend’s birthday party—a celebration I’d been looking forward to for weeks—because I was just too exhausted.
I hate feeling like I’m letting my friends down and missing out on special moments. I don’t know how to fulfill my social obligations without feeling like I’m not living up to my expectations.
— Tired but sociable
BETTER TIRED BUT SOCIAL: It sounds like you need to go to the doctor and get a thorough physical exam and make sure it isn’t an underlying health issue that you are unconsciously battling.
It could be that you just need more rest and learn to manage your time so that you don’t overexert yourself without recharging your batteries – but that’s something you have to figure out.
Take a look at your schedule. How many nights a week do you usually go out? How often do you schedule rest breaks? What do you eat? How do you take care of yourself?
It’s time to refocus and prioritize your health. That may mean stopping doing everything you do. Be more selective. You don’t have to attend every event to show your friends that you love it.
DEAR HARRIETTE: There is an ongoing issue in my relationship where we continually clash over holiday traditions.
My boyfriend makes it a point that we celebrate every holiday with his extended family, which often means I have to miss out on traditions that are important to me. Last Christmas, for example, while he was busy with his family’s big feast, I missed our annual tradition of baking gingerbread with my nieces and nephews.
He always agrees for both of us without consulting me, so I have no other choice.
I’ve tried to find compromises, like suggesting we alternate holidays or have a smaller celebration with my family, but he insists on sticking to his family’s traditions.
I don’t want to seem difficult, but I also don’t want to feel like I’m constantly sacrificing my own traditions. How can I get rid of this feeling that I’m always coming up short?
— Lack of holiday harmony
LOVE MISSING HOLIDAY HARMONY: It’s time you said a firm no. You don’t have to honor a commitment made without your consent. This is his mess to untangle, not yours.
Gently let your friend know that you can’t participate in all of his family’s activities. Choose the ones you want to get involved in again, like baking cookies. Make it clear that you need to spend time with your family on special occasions, too.
This is not a criticism of his family. It is an endorsement of yours.
It will be interesting to see how he reacts to your changed attitude and behavior. For a relationship to grow, both of you must be willing to compromise and support each other. If he isn’t willing to do that, you might find yourself drifting apart.
Harriette Cole is a lifestyle designer and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative that helps people achieve their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
