You’ve been waiting for the right moment to express your opinion in a meeting, but you barely get a word in edgeways. Finally, you notice a break in the conversation, take a deep breath and start to speak – but your colleague interrupts you. You’ve lost track, sitting there silently, furious.
It’s easy to accidentally interrupt someone in a meeting, especially if you miss the social cues that indicate someone is about to speak. And as many of us have discovered over the past few months, it can be much harder to read people’s body language on a video call.
However, being intentionally interrupted can make you angry – and it’s a problem that disproportionately affects women.
Research suggests that women in particular are often overlooked in the workplace. McKinsey and LeanIn.org’s annual Women in the Workplace report, which surveyed 329 companies and more than 68,000 employees in 2019, found that half of the women surveyed had been interrupted or overlooked, and 38% of women had experienced others usurping their ideas.
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In another study, Yale psychologist Victoria Brescoll found that male leaders were perceived as more competent when they spoke up more often. In contrast, female leaders who spoke up more often received lower competency ratings.
“As a former management consultant, I’m used to running meetings in a male-dominated environment,” says Sarah Stoddart Burrows, career transition specialist at Thrive Coaching. “I’ve come to the conclusion that women are unfairly expected to do much more than the average man to be taken seriously, including how they lead meetings or speak up in them.”
Interruptions may seem less important than other gender inequalities women face in the workplace, but being interrupted can have a significant impact on confidence.
“Most women I work with suffer from imposter syndrome, even those who appear very confident, capable and successful on the outside,” says Burrows. “I believe this is often due to the ‘millions of paper cuts’ women are subjected to throughout their lives that suggest they are ‘less valuable,’ including interruptions and persuasions.”
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Regularly interrupting women implies that their contributions are not welcome or valuable. “This is just one of the more subtle, but no less frustrating or pervasive, behaviors that can lead to a toxic work environment,” she adds. “All in all, this seemingly relatively minor infraction is symptomatic of a broader cultural problem that is causing women to drop out of corporate life.”
Of course, it’s not women’s fault not to be interrupted. But if you find yourself being interrupted a lot in meetings, there are a few steps you can take.
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Be precise
When you raise a point in a meeting, be direct and straight to the point. It can be helpful to take notes outlining what you want to say, especially if you’re nervous about speaking in front of an audience.
“Not only does this reduce the opportunity for interruption, but direct and concise statements demonstrate clarity of thought, which builds confidence and trust in your abilities,” says Burrows.
Deal with interrupters quickly
Not everyone has the gift of being forceful, but it is important to assert your authority politely and firmly when interrupted.
“It can work well to say something in an authoritative tone like, ‘Hold that thought for a moment, Roger, I want to finish,’ or simply, ‘Excuse me, Julie, I’ve been talking, we can come to you in a moment,'” says Burrows.
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Trying to assert yourself in meetings can also lead to people not talking about you in the future. “If you’re the chair, build a reputation for being a strict leader in meetings. This means keeping people focused on the agenda and being action-oriented. If that’s not your natural behavior, try to come across as a bit of a ‘strict headmistress.'”
Recruit allies
Having friends at work isn’t just about being able to grab coffee with someone – it’s about having a workplace ally who can support you too.
“This is one area where others can support you by simply noticing that you’ve been interrupted and bringing the conversation back to you,” Burrows explains. “If that doesn’t happen naturally, consider recruiting repeat offender allies in advance of your meeting.”
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Try not to worry about what other people think
If someone who constantly interrupts you doesn’t consider your feelings, it’s likely that they don’t care. While it’s easier said than done, trying to stop caring about what others think can work to your advantage.
“A big problem in this field is that women who assert themselves by dealing with interruptions, for example, are perceived as less competent,” says Burrows. “So women are damned if they do and damned if they don’t when it comes to asserting themselves. My only advice is to stop caring what other people think, because the alternative just leads to frustration and constantly second-guessing yourself.”
