Dear Eric: The letter from the 65-year-old widow (Lonely Mom) brought back memories of my own mother. When I once asked my mother what gift she wanted for Christmas, her birthday, or Mother’s Day, she told me what she wanted most: a regular weekly lunch with me and a monthly dinner with my family. This began a tradition of weekly lunches that I still cherish today, even if it was sometimes difficult to keep.
The point for your letter writer and your readers is that both parents are asking for what they want and their adult children are trying to arrange weekly contact, whether in person or by phone/Zoom, etc. It’s the best investment of time I’ve ever made and I’m glad Mom asked for what she needed. What I wouldn’t give to have lunch with Mom just one more time. She died in 2018.
Finally, one of my own young adult children makes it a point to call my husband or me when we’re between classes or driving, just to stay in touch, even if it’s just for a few minutes. We really appreciate that, and I think it’s pretty easy for her.
– Grateful mother and daughter
Dear Grateful: This is wise advice. I completely agree. Thank you for sharing your beautiful memories with us.
Dear Eric: As a 60-year-old mother of two sons in their late 20s, Lonely Mom’s sons (July 30) are NOT responsible for alleviating her loneliness. Yes, she should ask them to call more often, but what she really needs are close community groups so she can find things to do. Find a coffee group, a card game group, Community Ed has tons of sports/exercise classes, our library has weekly chess classes and “craft afternoon” craft classes.
I realize this may be a daunting question if she is very introverted and doesn’t want to put in too much effort to socialize (or has limited resources or mobility issues), but I believe her sons will only represent a small part of what I believe she wants.
– Find your own fun
Dear fun: Many respondents shared a similar sentiment. And I agree and appreciate that perspective. But as Grateful said above, there’s a difference between leaving your happiness up to someone else and telling your loved ones how you feel. Lonely Mom – and all of us – can do both.
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
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