A man sparked a debate by criticising his girlfriend for the “bad” gift she gave him for his birthday.
In a recent post shared on the popular Reddit forum “Am I the Asshole?”, a 20-year-old asked if he was in the wrong for not being “happy” about his 20-year-old girlfriend’s birthday gift. He noted that the gift was lingerie, but then remembered that she had worn the outfit for his birthday.
“My friend came over and said her gift was a surprise. She went into another room and came out in a lingerie set that she said was new,” he wrote, before complimenting her on how she looked in the lingerie and noting that they then “joked around.”
However, he explained that he was “a little confused” when he asked her what he thought about the gift, as he did not initially realize that the lingerie was the only gift.
“This bothered me and seemed like a lame excuse for a gift from someone I’ve been dating for a year. To me it’s like she bought herself something and said it was a gift for me,” he wrote, before admitting he may have been in the wrong when he told her, “So if we break up, can I keep this and give it to the person I date next?”
According to the Reddit user, “she took offense to his comment and called him an asshole.” He then described another reason he was upset about the gift, explaining that he had taken his girlfriend to a “fancy dinner” for her birthday that cost more than $200. He also noted that the gift was “no small expense for a 20-year-old college student with no job.”
The Reddit post quickly went viral, garnering more than 15,000 upvotes. There were mixed reactions in the comments. Some people understood why he was upset about his girlfriend’s gift. However, they also claimed that the couple needed to communicate more about their interests at birthday parties.
“From her perspective, she might see being dressed in beautiful lingerie as a thoughtful and intimate gift – and many people would agree. However, it’s clear that you have a different view, which is completely valid,” one person wrote. “Having expectations is normal, but the key is communicating them clearly. That’s the first step.”
“Effort is very important and it seems like your relationship is disproportionately balanced. I bet she would be mad if your birthday present to her was sex, but overall the two of you probably need to discuss your expectations for the future,” another added.
While some people joked that the Reddit user kept the lingerie for himself since it was part of his gift, others criticized him for comparing the gift to the fancy dinner he had invited his girlfriend to for her birthday.
“How is this less of a gift than dinner? You buy dinner that you both like, she buys a lingerie set that you both like. Isn’t that somehow equivalent, a shared experience? Or is sex with her not the same as dinner with you? I’m confused,” one person wrote.
“I really don’t see how your gift was any different from hers. Surely you eat together all the time? So going to a fancy restaurant just takes the experience up a few notches. She did the exact same thing for you with the underwear. Nice underwear can easily cost a few hundred, and she probably spent a lot of time getting ready and trying to make it a fun, special experience,” another replied.
A third advised: “Keeping scores is a sign of resentment, nothing destroys a relationship more than resentment/walling/defensiveness/criticism. Do with that knowledge what you will.”
