The American author RO Kwon, author of Exhibituses writing as a means to explore people’s deepest desires. She is interested in what moves and motivates people – and so she often ends up on the topic of love. For the No ordinary love For her anthology, Hinge paired her with a real-life couple, Suraj and Sivitha, who met on the app, so she could question and decode romantic desires in real time. The process, Kwon says, was like asking questions of fictional characters in her head. No ordinary love is an 80-page anthology of modern romantic prose that challenges love story tropes and cliched narratives by celebrating the twists and turns of true love. It features the stories of six real-life couples who met on Hinge, written by six groundbreaking authors: Roxane Gay, RO Kwon, Oisín McKenna, John Paul Brammer, Brontez Purnell, and Isle McElroy.
You can read Suraj and Sivitha’s story now at No-ordinary-love.co or get a physical copy of No ordinary love in New York from September 9 to 16 or London from September 23 to 30. Ahead of the release, we spoke to Kwon about mismatched desires, the role of chance and intention in love.
What love story would you have liked to write and why?
RO Kwon: There is a family story about a kisaeng (a Korean courtesan) and one of my ancestors who fell in love. It was a forbidden love because they were in very different walks of life. But they loved each other so much that when they were told they couldn’t be together, they committed suicide. I’m fascinated by this story because there have always been stories in my family about people turning their lives upside down for love. That’s something I want to explore further – giving up everything for love.
This isn’t the first time you’ve written about love. Has working on a real couple changed your approach and process? And if so, how?
RO Kwon: When I write, I feel like I’m discovering more than I’m inventing. It almost feels like the book existed before me, and I always ask the characters who they are, what they want, and what they’ve been through. So speaking to Suraj and Sivitha felt surprisingly similar. I asked them a lot of questions, that’s how I approach fiction, but usually that’s just in my head.
What surprised you most about Suraj and Sivitha’s relationship story and timeline?
RO Kwon: What struck me most was how attentive and considerate they were when getting to know each other.
The story begins with Sivitha opening Hinge. What makes a digital connection a compelling starting point for a story?
RO Kwon: When I teach writing, I teach that you can grab attention by asking open-ended or unanswered questions. And when I write, I never really think about the plot; I’m much more interested in following the characters’ desires. Starting with an app just means that there are so many questions from the start. They’re almost all questions from the start.
I love that the story is based on a long distance relationship (or at least a medium distance relationship). Did the physical distance change the way you crafted the story?
RO Kwon: Every time they saw each other, there had to be real intention and planning. There was a moment when I couldn’t find space to describe how they had argued, and Suraj came to London to drop off flowers and leave an apology card. When he left, she was so touched. He had made an hour-long journey just to leave a card on her doorstep. So as I was writing, I was really aware of the thoughtfulness, care and intention with which they approached each other.
The story is full of little details that recreate the experience of the first kiss and (eventually) falling in love. How did you learn about these from Suraj and Sivitha?
RO Kwon: I find that if I don’t know what a character’s body is doing, then I don’t know very much about that character, period. So at some point I had to ask her about those details, like Suraj getting his trench coat wet while they were sitting outside, or how they were sitting next to each other on the first date and he was rocking back and forth. If I know what the body is doing at any given moment, then I know so much more about what a character might be thinking.
You also included a conversation about opening up the relationship (which Sivitha refused to do). Why do you think it was important to include this topic?
RO Kwon: This was clearly a difficult moment for them because their desires didn’t match up. But it was also important because it finally brought them closer together and confirmed that they just wanted to be together. As much as people love each other, we also hurt each other. It’s not necessarily about never making mistakes; it’s about what we do from that point on.
In your opinion, what contribution does the story make to today’s discussion about online dating?
RO Kwon: What strikes me about their story is the element of chance. What if Sivitha’s roommate hadn’t suggested they go out together? What if Suraj hadn’t been in London that day? Even on their first date, they talked about how comfortable they were with each other, and that’s really beautiful. It’s striking how much chance played a role in their meeting.
What do you like most about writing about love? And what do you like least about it?
RO Kwon: I’m interested in following desire, and love is of course driven by desire. Love can also be an education. The fact that young children take a while to learn that other people are as real to them as we are to ourselves, that other people are mysterious and profound, is really revealed through love. I don’t have a favorite; I feel like I’m always writing about love in one way or another.
Did writing the story of Suraj and Sivitha teach you anything about how you deal with relationships?
RO Kwon: My story is quite similar to hers, but chronologically a little different. My partner was the first person I ever dated seriously. It’s not that I believe in soulmates, but I don’t think there are that many people we are really compatible with. Some of the things Sivitha felt – feeling comfortable the first time we spoke to him – I felt with my partner too. When we meet people like that, it’s a miracle, and we should embrace them as much as possible.
