Why is Georgia football ranked number 1 and not Ohio State? Because Carson Beck is important
Why is Georgia football ranked number 1 and not Ohio State? Because Carson Beck is important
- Retired Nick Saban plays golf. Give the GOAT a caddy.
- What awaits controversial coach Billy Napier after a brutal third-year program in Florida? How about a trip to the Caribbean?
- Lane Kiffin deserves a good book. I only know one.
My birthday is coming up. You should know that I’m happy to accept gifts like good rum or cheap beer. I’m also willing to make room on my bookshelf for a good read.
And for all of you loyal readers who may own a vacation home in the Caribbean, I love the sun, the sand, the crystal clear water… and tiki drinks. You can also contact Billy Napier. He’ll need a vacation destination.
The real gift, however, is giving back, which is why I’m handing out preseason gifts before kickoff.
Here is my gift list:
Greg Sankey: A pennant of the UNC Tar Heels.
Jim Harbaugh: A vinyl copy of “U Can’t Touch This” by MC Hammer.
Lincoln Riley: A good real estate agent.
Kirby Smart: A better fourth left guard.
Steve Sarkisian: A healthy running back.
Brett Yorkmark: A long weekend in Tijuana.
Paul Finebaum: A one-week break from his callers.
Sam Pittman: A two-week vacation in Yellowstone National Park, which I’ve heard is supposed to be beautiful in October.
Clark Lea: A three-week holiday in Portugal, which I hear is supposed to be wonderful in November, and there isn’t a construction crane to be seen anywhere.
Billy Napier: A month-long vacation in the Virgin Islands, which I’ve heard are supposed to be beautiful in December.
Kalen DeBoer: A dinner with pike-perch.
Nick Saban: A good caddy.
Butch Jones: An appearance as Saban’s intern on “College GameDay.”
Hugh Freeze: A plaque commemorating his 2-4 (almost 3-3!) record against Saban.
Jimbo Fischer: A podcast with Saban called “Nothing But Narcissists.”
Mike Elko: Fisher’s contract.
Lane Kiffin: A copy of Wisdom and Things, co-authored by Blake Toppmeyer.
Ole Miss football coach Lane Kiffin on the Rebels’ first preseason practice game
Hear from Ole Miss football coach Lane Kiffin on Monday after practice.
Jeff Lebby: A copy of “Swing Your Sword” by Mike Leach.
Mario Cristobal: A copy of “The Art of Kneeling”.
Bobby Petrino: A helmet.
Mike Norvell: A B1G t-shirt.
Daniel Lanning: Adidas shares to balance his portfolio.
Dabo Swinney: A coffee date with Tyler from Spartanburg.
Josh Heupel: Beer with Bob Stoops.
Josh Heupel on the footprint for recruiting Tennessee football players
Tennessee coach Josh Heupel explains how the Vols have gained momentum in recruiting players.
Brian Kelly: Dance lessons with Kim Mulkey.
Shane Beamer: A happy Gatorade bath after the season opener against Old Dominion.
Mark Stoops: Kentucky basketball season tickets.
Pat McAfee: A muzzle.
Robert Griffin III: A job at FOX.
Sam Ponder: A job at OutKick.
Kirk Herbstreit: A meet-and-greet with Phil Mickelson, his egotistical counterpart.
Stephen A. Smith: A candlelight dinner for two with Saban.
Watch Nick Saban and Jalen Milroe at the Disneyland Parade in front of the Rose Bowl
Nick Saban, Jalen Milroe and others participated in a parade at Disneyland before Alabama plays in the Rose Bowl. Here’s the video.
Jalen Milroe: A Heisman Trophy.
Carson Beck: A trip to New York City to see Milroe win the Heisman Trophy.
Garrett Nussmeier: A defense.
Nico Iamaleava: A defense.
DJ Lagway: A red zone package.
Quinn Ewers: A signed Arch Manning trading card.
Jaxson Darts: Pickleball lessons.
Florida fans: A trainer search.
Eliah Drinkwitz: A call from Florida.
Oregon fans: A United Airlines gift card.
UCLA fans: Earmuffs and a scarf.
Alabama fans: A playoff party.
Auburn fans: A book signing.
Vanderbilt fan: A ticket to a fall baseball game.
Tennessee fans: A 44-ounce bottle of Mountain Dew, canned by Pilot.
Texas A&M fans: A win against Texas.
Texas fans: A win against Oklahoma.
Oklahoma fans: Directions to Memphis, home of the Liberty Bowl.
Ole Miss fans: Directions to Atlanta.
Georgia fans: A victory parade celebrating UGA winning the Fulmer Cup.
Athens-Clarke County Police: Overtime pay.
Blake Toppmeyer is the USA TODAY Network’s SEC columnist. Email him at [email protected] and follow him on Twitter @btoppmeyer.
Subscribe to read all his columns. Also listen to his podcast SEC Football Unfiltered., and newsletter, SEC Unfiltered.