Sharing a dorm room or apartment with another student can be challenging, especially if you don’t know each other very well. You and your roommate may even seem like a mismatch because you have different social skills.
However, polite and courteous behavior contributes significantly to a harmonious living situation and can also lead to better relationships in the workplace.
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, your roommate may not treat you politely. It’s important to stay calm when faced with rudeness, says Seung Whan Ryu, SHRM-CP, assistant professor of management at the Jack Welch College of Business & Technology at Sacred Heart University in Fairfield, Connecticut.
He is the winner of the 2024 SHRM Foundation Student Chapter Advisor Impact Award and holds a master’s degree in human resources and industrial relations from the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign and a doctorate in management from the Tippie College of Business at the University of Iowa.
“Reacting impulsively can escalate the situation,” he stressed. “Take a deep breath, collect your thoughts, and respond thoughtfully. Also, know when to back off. If someone is consistently rude, it’s OK to set boundaries and limit your interactions with them. Protecting your physical and mental health should be your top priority.”
Basic rules of etiquette
Being polite is not too different from dealing with family members if you follow the basic rules of etiquette:
- Respect the other person’s need for privacy and quiet, and check with them if you want to borrow something from them or invite friends over, just as you would expect them to do.
- Clean up after yourself. Keep common areas clean, don’t leave your dirty dishes lying around in the room, and don’t throw your things in other people’s rooms.
- Communicate clearly and honestly and address problems as soon as they arise.
- Stick to agreements about what you will and won’t share, and replace shared items like cleaning supplies and kitchen utensils. Don’t be the roommate who constantly uses up things but never replaces them because they seem to expect the other person to do so.
- Be aware of your roommate’s schedule. Agree on quiet times for studying or sleeping. You may need to get creative and, for example, wear earplugs while studying while the other person listens to music.
“Be considerate”
By and large, both you and your roommate have the right to live peacefully in your shared space, said Jennifer Gershberg, a former faculty associate at the University of Maryland’s Robert H. Smith School of Business, where she received the 2019-20 Allen J. Krowe Award for Teaching Excellence.
Gershberg holds a JD from George Washington University Law School and a bachelor’s degree from Cornell University. Today, she is a campus speaker and founder of JG Talks.
“Be considerate — that includes keeping rooms reasonably tidy, not being loud or unruly, respecting your roommates’ sleeping and study needs,” and the like, she said.
“If your roommate does something that really annoys you or that you find difficult to tolerate, address it directly and promptly by communicating in a kind, respectful and honest manner.”
Ultimately, “respect and kindness are essential,” Gershberg said. “You don’t have to be best friends, but you have to live together in peace.”
