DEAR MISS MANNERS: A few years ago, I developed a gluten intolerance. Although I’m fortunate not to have full-blown celiac disease, I still can’t eat many everyday treats, like the free donuts in the break room at work.
My colleagues don’t mind me not eating a donut. Not only do I work with nice people, but the office is small and everyone knows about my predicament.
But when I’m on the road, problems can arise.
I was in the library and was offered a cupcake – it was a librarian’s birthday and she had received a whole box of them. I told her, “Thanks, but no thanks.” She probably thought I had declined out of politeness, but she very kindly insisted.
I wasn’t sure what to say, but when I mentioned that I couldn’t eat the cupcakes, she seemed to pause for a moment. It was obvious that she didn’t mean to be rude, even if she didn’t feel insulted, and I felt bad in return.
Do you have any advice on what I should say the next time someone is trying to be nice to me and innocently offers me a snack? I can deal with rude people who say things like, “It’s no big deal! Everyone has allergies these days.” But when it comes to people who mean well and have nothing but kindness in their hearts, I’m at a loss.
DEAR READER: Having good intentions means offering you a cupcake. Having good intentions does not mean using emotional blackmail to get you to eat something you politely declined.
The social use of food as a weapon is a modern concept that has caused countless problems. If people stopped trying to control what others eat or don’t eat, the world would spin a lot faster.
Miss Manners assures you that in such a situation, all you have to do is repeat “No, thank you” over and over until either the food tyrant is deterred or the cupcake is so old that it is no longer fit to eat.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was lucky enough to inherit my mother’s thick and wavy hair. Since I stopped dyeing it a few years ago, it has turned a beautiful, shiny silver and white color. I know that’s not an achievement, but simply a matter of luck in the gene pool.
Strangers often come up to me and tell me how much they admire my hair, and I don’t know how to respond. I usually say “thank you” and move on, but I’m afraid that sounds a bit arrogant, like I hear that all the time, or dismissive, like I’m not acknowledging that the person is trying to please me.
How do you deal with this politely?
DEAR READER: Try to say “thank you” as if you don’t hear it all the time and are happy about it. These people are saying it to you for the first time and are hoping to make you happy.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners via her website www.missmanners.com; to her email address [email protected]; or by mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
