Many people talk about decluttering and organizing their homes. Few actually do it. Those who do have usually reached a turning point.
I recently reported in this column how Maureen Rabazinski, a 62-year-old nurse, had emailed me seeking advice on how to get her house back. The 2,200-square-foot “private oasis” she and her husband moved into as empty nesters when they moved out of their home eight years ago was neither private nor an oasis. Life events had caused their two sons, who were about 30 years old, to boomerang back to live with them temporarily. One brought a wife and three children. Meanwhile, COVID forced Maureen, who had been working in a hospital clinic, to work from home, which led to her starting a thriving telemedicine practice from her home.
“My house was a mess,” she said. “I couldn’t find a corner where I wanted to be.”
The turning point came when her younger son moved out and she got the chance to reclaim the guest room for real guests. That prompted her to look around the rest of her four-bedroom house. The grandchildren had taken over another room, which was littered with toys. A crib had ended up in her office. And an unused elliptical machine was destroying the restful atmosphere in her master bedroom.
Then she screamed: “Help!”
My advice was simple: set boundaries and give each room a purpose. We came up with a to-do list that was easier said than done. It included getting rid of the dust-collecting elliptical, freeing up the guest room for short-term guests, taming the toy tornado in the grandchildren’s room, and making their office a purely professional space.
I asked her to check back in two weeks. (The magic of accountability.)
Two weeks later, a period she described as a “whirlwind workfest,” she called to report on her progress (90% done) and the unexpected benefits. “Aside from loving how my tidy, reorganized home looks, feels and functions,” she said, “my other discoveries have been even more impactful.” Besides a few sore muscles from moving heavy furniture around, she noticed:
· The direct impact of donations. When we spoke, Maureen had a garage full of items waiting to be picked up and ready to go to new owners. For example, after trying to sell the barely used elliptical machine online, this bedroom behemoth is now going to the local Boys and Girls Club. The organization, which offers afterschool and summer programs for youth, will pick it up, sell it, and use the money to help those it supports. Toys (enough to fill two trunks) are going to a homeless shelter, and three bags of bedding are destined for the local animal rescue. “I love knowing that these unused items cluttering up my house are going to make a difference in the community.”
· Targeted conversion. While Maureen was remodeling her office, her older son was in the process of replacing dark wood floors with lighter ones. She took his old wood floorboards and had them installed in her home office, where they replaced worn carpeting. While cleaning out the room her son had been living in, she found two televisions and gave them to the workmen who were installing her flooring. “The smiles on their faces made all the effort worth it.” Oh, and the crib that took up half of her office went to a friend who had just become a grandmother. “While it’s satisfying to make a random donation, it’s even more satisfying to give things directly to someone who really needs and wants them,” she said.
· Instructive moment. Maureen asked her grandchildren, ages 7, 4 and 2, to help her decide which toys could go to children in a homeless shelter and which should stay there. “The older two said, ‘We’re not playing with that anymore. Let’s give it to them.’ They learned how good it feels to be generous. They also found that they preferred playing with Gigi and PapPap over their toys.”
· Biggest difference. “The change in my home office was the most dramatic,” she said. In addition to getting rid of the crib and getting wood floors, she also put a bookcase in the closet and placed a chic rug and two cowhide chairs opposite her desk to create a stylish seating area. “I’ve been really surprised at how much more energized and productive I feel now, as I look forward to going into the office every day.”
Biggest lesson.”Stopping the spillover was the hardest habit to break. I didn’t realize how much stuff that belonged in one room had spilled over into another.” Now that each room has a purpose, she says she won’t go back. “My job is to maintain the boundaries and stop the spillover so I can maintain the new order and simplicity. When one toy comes in, another goes out.”
· Greatest insight. “I can still have a house for the grandchildren, but the toys can only be taken out when they come to visit. When they move out, we can put the kids’ things away and our home can look like a grown-up home again.”
· Advice for others. “If the project seems overwhelming, like it did for me, break the work down into smaller pieces,” she said. “Once I started, I couldn’t stop. Seeing the progress motivated me.”
Marni Jameson is the author of seven books, including the newly published “Right-size today to create your best life tomorrow: A motivational guide for those looking for their ideal home later in life”and “What you can do with all your possessions to leave the legacy you want.” You can reach them at marnijameson.com.
