Many people talk about decluttering and organizing their homes. Few actually do it. Those who do have usually reached a turning point.
Two weeks ago, I recounted in this column how Maureen Rabazinski, a 62-year-old nurse, had emailed me seeking advice on how to get her house back. The 2,200-square-foot “private oasis” she and her husband moved into as empty nesters when they downsized to a smaller home eight years ago was neither private nor an oasis. Life events had caused their two sons, who were about 30, to boomerang back to live with them temporarily. One brought a wife and three children. Meanwhile, COVID forced Rabazinski, who had been working in a hospital clinic, to work from home, which led to her starting a thriving telemedicine practice from her home.
“My house was a mess,” she said. “I couldn’t find a corner where I wanted to be.”
The turning point came when her younger son moved out and she got the chance to reclaim the guest room for real guests. That prompted her to look around the rest of her four-bedroom house. The grandchildren had taken over another room, which was littered with toys. A crib had ended up in her office. And an unused elliptical machine was destroying the restful atmosphere in her master bedroom.
Then she screamed: “Help!”
My advice was simple: set boundaries and give each room a purpose. We came up with a to-do list that was easier said than done. It included getting rid of the dust-collecting elliptical, freeing up the guest room for short-term guests, taming the toy tornado in the grandkids’ room, and making their office a purely professional space.
Two weeks later, a time she described as a “whirlwind workfest,” she called to report on her progress (90% complete) and the unexpected benefits.
“Aside from loving the look, feel and function of my decluttered and reorganized home,” she said, “my other discoveries have been even more impactful.”
In addition to some muscle aches from moving heavy furniture around, she noticed the following:
• The direct effects of donations. When we spoke, Rabazinski had a garage full of items waiting to be picked up and distributed to new owners. For example, after trying to sell the barely used elliptical machine online, this bedroom behemoth is now going to the local Boys and Girls Club. The organization, which runs afterschool and summer programs for youth, will pick it up, sell it, and use the money to help the people it supports. Toys — enough to fill two trunks — will go to a homeless shelter, and three bags of bedding are earmarked for the local animal rescue.
“I love knowing that these unused items that clutter my home will make a difference in the community,” she said.
• Targeted repurposing. While Rabazinski was remodeling her office, her older son was replacing dark wood floors with lighter ones. She took his old wood floorboards and had them installed in her study, where they replaced the worn carpet. While cleaning out the room where her son had lived, she found two televisions and gave them to the contractors who were installing her floor.
“The smiles on their faces made all the effort worthwhile,” she said.
Oh, and the crib that took up half of her office went to a friend who had just become a grandmother.
“While it’s nice to just donate something, it’s even more fulfilling to give the items directly to someone who really needs and wants them,” she said.
• Instructive moment. Rabazinski asked her grandchildren, ages 7, 4 and 2, to help her decide which toys could go to children in a homeless shelter and which should stay there.
“The older two said, ‘We’re not playing with that anymore. Let’s give it to them.’ They learned how good it feels to be generous. They also found that they preferred playing with Gigi and PapPap rather than with their toys,” she said.
• Biggest difference. “The change in my home office was the most dramatic,” she said.
Not only did she remove the crib and get hardwood floors, she also placed a bookshelf in the closet and added a chic rug and two cowhide chairs opposite her desk to create a stylish seating area.
“I was really surprised at how much more energized and productive I feel now that I look forward to going to the office every day,” she said.
• Biggest lesson. “Stopping the overflow was the hardest habit I had to break. I didn’t realize how much stuff that belonged in one room had overflowed into another,” she said.
Since every room now serves a purpose, she will not go back, she emphasizes.
“My job is to keep the boundaries and stop the creeping in so I can maintain the new order and simplicity. When a toy comes in, a toy goes out,” she said.
• Greatest insight. “I can still have a house for the grandchildren, but the toys can only be taken out when they come to visit. When they move out, we can put the kids’ things away and our home can look like a grown-up home again,” she said.
• Advice for others. “If the project seems overwhelming, like it did for me, break the work down into smaller pieces,” she said. “Once I started, I couldn’t stop. Seeing the progress motivated me.”
Marni Jameson is the author of seven books, including Rightsize Today to Create Your Best Life Tomorrow, What to Do With Everything You Own to Leave the Legacy You Want, and Downsizing the Family Home. You can reach her at [email protected].
