“There is always good news for Vice President Harris. Not only has she gained ground in the polls in the swing states during her presidential campaign, but she is now even narrowly ahead in three crucial states, which, according to poll averages, would give her just enough electoral votes to win the White House.” — NPR
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I have a job to do, and that is to convince Americans that Kamala Harris is a lying, Antifa-loving, baby-blood-drinking child trafficker. I thought this would be easy, but it is not going very well. Harris keeps climbing in the polls, and my Trumpworld bosses are getting more and more unpredictable by the day, which, as you know, Really say something.
I’ve tried everything: whispers, hashtags, and a prime-time ad on the Tucker Carlson Network. But no matter how cleverly I spread the Kamala smear, and no matter how many Republicans parrot the arguments, nothing seems to work.
What’s going on? Eight years ago, this was a piece of cake. There was nothing I could throw at Hillary Clinton that wouldn’t stick – Benghazi, her emails, that one time she said the word “deplorable.” If I came up with a reason why people should hate or distrust Hillary, they would cling to it like it was a life jacket dipped in stevia. Those were the days. I mean, voters actually believed she was running a massive pedophile ring out of the basement of a pizza parlor, for heaven’s sake.
Today, a man can’t even accuse a woman of sleeping her way to the top without being called an unrealistic misogynist. What a world! It’s almost as if something has shifted culturally, as if exactly what Trump’s Republicans feared most is coming true, and Elon Musk can’t control people’s minds by spreading panic about Kamala on his lousy platform.
And from what I understand, calling a woman a childless cat lady was a clear slander, a claim that automatically condemned her in the eyes of the middle class. But that didn’t work either, and now people are selling “Childless Cat Lady” merchandise on Etsy. The women without babies don’t even seem to feel ashamed – can someone explain to me how this happened? When did everyone decide that women without biological children could be considered full human beings? Did I miss a memo?
Maybe I’m just imagining it, but I think calling Kamala stupid DEI The hiring of Republicans backfired on Republicans. Suddenly, some of the mainstream GOP People said, “Don’t do it like that – gender and racial attacks are a bad image.” They said Republicans should focus on “politics” instead. But I think they forget that GOP Current politics is nothing more than a toxic cocktail of moneyed interests, forced births, and AK-47 worship, and I’m not sure that will resonate with Wisconsin voters.
I need a line of attack that works, folks. Maybe Kamala wasn’t even born in the United States—is there such a thing? And it has to be an insult that appeals to more than just the MAGAs who would vote for Donald Trump even if he shit on the American flag, murdered Dolly Parton on Fifth Avenue, and defected to Moscow. So portraying Kamala as the leader of a secret conspiracy is out of the question, as is accusing her of plotting a coup or putting her in the Epstein logbook.
I’m at a loss. Can someone please help me? Any ideas are welcome. Maybe several people accused her of sexual harassment or something? Did she make fun of disabled people? Does Kamala Harris know where Hunter Biden is? Anything, people. Because my unpredictable MAGA Bosses are getting more excited – and weirder – every day. And that is Really say something.
