A serious illness is never a pleasant moment, but when a child has to suffer from it, it is particularly heartbreaking.
The universe is cruel and it always seems like the most innocent among us have to fight the toughest battles.
But when this mother grew tired of her cousin comparing her daughter’s cancer to her own son’s myriad health problems, she remained categorical.
Was she insensitive to her niece’s diagnosis? Decide for yourself!
In 2010, my husband and I adopted Sam. He comes from a family that has practiced incestuous marriages for many generations.
His biological mother wasn’t the best during her pregnancy with Sam (she drinks alcohol, smokes cigarettes and does drugs). She also tried to abort him several times.
Sam survived but has to deal with the consequences, namely numerous congenital and acquired health problems.
My cousin Vivi and I are very close because our mothers are twins. We spent our childhood together and lived in the same house for several years.
But they didn’t spend as much time together as they used to.
Since she got married and moved to South Korea, we only speak to each other occasionally.
Vivi’s daughter Val was diagnosed with leukemia 7 years ago at the age of 9. The disease initially went into remission but then returned.
Vivi knows about Sam’s health problems.
But since Val’s cancer diagnosis in 2017, every time we talk about our child’s health issues, she says things like, “I’m thankful he doesn’t have cancer.”
“It’s great that he doesn’t have to do chemotherapy.” “You know, they (Sam’s diagnoses) are better than cancer.” “You’ll never know how painful it is to deal with cancer,” etc.
However, she said just because Sam doesn’t have cancer doesn’t mean he doesn’t still face many medical challenges.
I tried to tell Vivi, “I’m grateful that Sam doesn’t have cancer. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. But please know that Sam is struggling with his health too.”
“He is also in constant pain and has to undergo many operations. He is disabled and I would like us to support each other without comparing the two.”
But she continues to do the same thing. Vivi contacted me early this morning and told me that Val has Flu B.
When Vivi broke the news of Val’s illness, she couldn’t help but compare the illnesses of the two children…
And she began her stance again by saying, “I’m glad Sam doesn’t have cancer, then he won’t know how a common virus can be life-threatening in the case of cancer.”
I told her, “You know that’s not true. You know he’s immunocompromised and you know what that means. And you don’t have to be ‘happy,’ Val isn’t the only one suffering here.”
She called me an idiot for saying that and said none of Sam’s diagnoses could compare to cancer.
When Sam was younger, he had to undergo several rounds of chemotherapy for another illness. He also receives antibody and immunoglobulin therapy and receives regular infusions.
I know this is probably not like cancer and that chemo is poison, but they are not without side effects.
What a tragic situation for both children, made even more exhausting by Vivi’s desire to compete between her illnesses!
Reddit said there was no doubt that her daughter’s cancer was a terrible thing, but comparing herself to someone else would not help anyone.
And another person said that one should never try to find “the positive” in a child’s serious illness.
Many people pointed out that she simply asked her cousin to respect her son’s condition.
And even this cancer patient said that trying to “outdo” another person’s illness is simply wrong.
Illness is not a competition, people!
Especially not between children.
If you thought that was an interesting story, check out what happened when a family gave their in-laws free accommodation in exchange for babysitting. However, things changed when they didn’t keep their end of the bargain.
