Just days before the birth of my second child in 2023, I had an idea that I really wanted to share with my husband: I wanted to draw attention to my 4-year-old son to help him adjust to having a younger sibling. So instead of just celebrating the birth of my second child, Babies When we brought our new baby home, we celebrated his arrival and called it “Big Brother Day.” Looking back a year later, I have to say it was a great idea that really helped my son embrace his new sibling.
I am a psychologist, so I always think ahead and try to anticipate how others might feel in different situations. During my pregnancy, I thought a lot about what the transition to having another child would be like for my older son, especially in terms of feeling left out or jealous. Realizing that we cannot control everything, I used one of my favorite tips and reminders, which is to focus on what Is in my control.
I started by buying a few books about becoming a big brother and getting a sibling. My son liked them, but it’s difficult for a child to really understand what it means to get a sibling until it actually happens. Can you imagine being the center of attention as an only child and then suddenly one day your parents come home with a new baby and you’re expected to share the attention, your toys, and more? That would be pretty overwhelming.
I expected a lot of big emotions and started including him in things like my weekly belly pictures. I also told him that the ultrasound pictures I brought home were for him – and for his sister. Both became things he looked forward to, but I didn’t think they would help him as much once the baby was actually here. However, I thought maybe if I put more of the focus on him, it might help.
What is Big Brother Day?
Big Brother Day was an idea I had to raise awareness and celebrate my older son on the day we brought our new baby home from the hospital.
I thought that if we gave less attention to the baby (who wouldn’t notice the difference anyway) and more to him, it would hopefully ease those jealous feelings. Not to mention, I really wanted him to feel included. The excitement of having a new baby was for all of us, including him, and I wanted him to be excited too.
This is how we celebrated “Big Brother Day”
The day our baby was born, we gave our son a “Big Brother” shirt to wear to school and made a big deal about what a great big brother he would be. The next day, when we brought our baby home, we officially called it “Big Brother Day.”
That day, when my son was at school and we were getting ready to bring the baby home, I had my mom and a very good friend make a sign that said “Happy Big Brother Day.” When my son came home from school that afternoon, we were home with the baby and had balloons, a gift from her for him, and a cake. We were focused and excited about my son becoming a big brother instead of just focusing on the baby. We even told our family and friends who came to visit about our plans so they could congratulate him too.
Beyond that day, I hadn’t really thought about what “Big Brother Day” was or what would become of the concept until it was time to honor the next milestone – when our daughter turned one month old. I decided to keep the celebration going and congratulate my son on being a big brother for one month. I surprised him by picking him up from camp that day so we could go to a fun event at the park that I knew he would love to go to. After that, we continued to celebrate our son becoming a big brother every month as his sister got older. And when her first birthday came around, we all went to a Yankees game after school, which my son loves to do. When we celebrated with our extended family later that weekend, we also had a cake for him that said, “Happy Big Brother Day.” It wasn’t just one day – we celebrated our son throughout my daughter’s first year of life.
Do I think my son needed the celebration on his birthday, a year later, a year older? Not really, but I wanted to recognize him because he truly was the best big brother to his sister, and these little recognitions – and special days – are what he will remember. I wanted him to remember how we all celebrated life and were a family of four. I’m not sure yet if I’ll continue to do this every year, but it’s something I’ll evaluate each year as our daughter’s birthday approaches and the day we brought her home from the hospital.
The benefits of “Big Brother Day”
Looking back, I think this concept made the transition easier for my son. Ultimately, “Big Brother Day” helped my son adjust to having a sibling at home and made him feel included and special—and it definitely helped reduce the jealousy. He was so proud of his little sister! He wanted to show her off and introduce her to everyone. He also wanted to celebrate her and was proud of every little milestone she reached, like crawling and rolling over. You could tell he was a proud big brother, not a jealous sibling. I can’t say it wasn’t any Jealousy, but I expected that. After all, it’s a normal part of being a sibling.
5 tips if you want to have your own “Big Brother Day”
If Big Brother Day is something your family would like to try, I say go for it! It doesn’t have to look exactly like what I did – you can make it whatever you want. No matter how you celebrate, here are some things that helped us have a great first year:
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Make it simple: Big Brother Day doesn’t have to be fancy or cost money – you don’t have to order t-shirts, go to any lengths, or even plan what you’re going to do too far in advance. Sometimes the simplest things are the things your kids enjoy the most! We didn’t do anything fancy: we made a sign, blew up some balloons we already had around the house, and got a cake. Enjoy!
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Inform everyone in good time: It’s a good idea to share your plan with everyone who interacts with your children so they can convey the same messages you are. By telling others (such as the grandparents) that we were also celebrating our son, we were able to give him a little extra attention as well.
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Think about your why! Starting a family is such a beautiful and exciting time, and it’s a good idea to remember why you’re taking the time to celebrate with your children. It’s a big deal – and one that the whole family will remember forever.
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