I’ve found that women are often expected to give up parts of their personality when they become mothers. We are pushed into a world where we are expected to be naturally nurturing people who only care about their children, not ourselves.
For my 40th birthday, I wanted to pursue my interests and passions and do something just for me. My goal was to not have to consider others or change my plans to ensure the well-being and happiness of my family.
Instead of taking my three children on an adventure that would ultimately turn out to be a trip that wasn’t about me at all, I left my brood at home and traveled to a Swiss mountain town. I wanted to hike with cows with bells, climb a via ferrata, and go kayaking. And I wanted to do it all alone. Alone, alone, alone.
I fought my mother’s guilty conscience
I was incredibly grateful that I was even in the privileged position of being able to make this decision. Many mothers are just trying to make ends meet and survive, and planning a lavish birthday party across the Atlantic is not an option.
I was fortunate to have a husband who was willing and able to take on all parental responsibilities at home while I traveled abroad. Since we had no childcare options, traveling alone without the kids was the only option. Of course, I worried that I wouldn’t be there if something happened and my kids needed me. Guilt is an overwhelming force field that many mothers struggle with ad nauseam.
Ultimately, I didn’t want life to pass me by and not get to check off my bucket list. Why should I have to wait until my kids are grown to have an adventure of my own? And who knows what my health will be like then or what other obligations will take priority?
On this birthday, Dolly Parton’s words rang true for me: “If there is something you have to do, want to do, can afford, and have the courage to do, then I think you should do it if it will make you feel better about yourself.”
The author kayaked alone across the Trüebsee, a mountain lake at the foot of Mount Titlis. Wendy Altschuler
The itinerary was tailored to my interests
When I arrived in Engelberg, about an hour and 15 minutes from Zurich airport and in the heart of Switzerland, I let out an audible sigh. As someone who grew up in Montana, surrounded by nature and wildlife, the mountains have always felt like home to me – even in a town with a different language and culture. In this small hamlet of less than 5,000 people, I was able to breathe again.
With a long list of things I wanted to do, I first headed to the famous Benedictine monastery, which was built in 1120 and where monks still live and work today.
Then I wrapped up warm and took the world’s first rotating cable car to the top of Mount Titlis. There, no matter what time of year it is, there is only one season: winter.
I walked across Europe’s highest suspension bridge, walked through the illuminated and silent glacier cave, sat in the glacier chairlift and took photos, and joined the tobogganing line at the glacier park, where a large family of tourists laughed and threw snowballs at each other, making me painfully miss my three boys back home.
My brood would have loved to play in the snow, I had to fight feelings of loneliness.
The older I get, the more obsessed I become with longevity
As I’ve gotten older, it’s become important to me to use my body to its full potential, and that was a must on this trip. The next few days were filled with outdoor adventures, hiking numerous trails filled with wayside cheese stands, mountainsides covered in wildflowers, and mooing cows.
I had butterflies in my stomach on the via ferrata, an exciting climbing route that uses fixed steel cables, ladders and other systems to safely climb steep and rocky terrain. When I reached the top, I felt powerful and tiny at the same time.
The day I kayaked across Trüebsee, an alpine lake at the foot of Mount Titlis high above Engelberg that can only be reached by cable car or on foot, it was pouring with rain. With the lake all to myself, I paddled around and watched the clouds curl and obscure the mountains. The cacophony of sounds was so great that all I could hear was the rain shower and my own thoughts.
I closed my eyes, put a hand on my heart and smiled.
I want my children to see me as more than just a mother
I didn’t feel guilty or try to justify my choices. I was just happy that I had made the decision to take care of myself and take the time to celebrate myself, independent of my children.
I am a whole being and have been since before I became a parent. I am curious and have goals of my own and my identity is much more than the title of “mom” that I value so much.
I want my children to see that I am an adventurous person who loves to travel, be outdoors and get to know other cultures and destinations, because that is exactly what I want for them.
A physical restart helped me return home strengthened and grateful.
