DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend who tells the same stories over and over again. It’s as if he can’t remember telling me them before, or as if he wants to relive them himself – and who cares if I have to hear them again. I don’t know. It annoys me a lot. I’ve tried gently to let him know that I’ve heard this story before. But that hasn’t helped. Today my “peeve pot” boiled over and I snapped at him, telling him that I’d heard this story before, including the circumstances under which he last told it to me. He remained silent and did not respond to my snarky comment, so I wonder if he understood what I was trying to say – that his retelling of stories annoys me. We’re both men, and we don’t talk about feelings – I think this is common among men. I wonder what I should do about it.
DEAR READER: You have gotten yourself into trouble by expressing your feelings in that way, and you need to apologize. Miss Manners then recommends diplomacy, humor, and patience: Most people repeat themselves sometimes, usually out of habit or carelessness – not with the intention of hurting or annoying anyone. Next time you say something, remember that you have heard it before, so you can smile and change the subject without resentment.
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners on her website, www.missmanners.com; to your email, [email protected]; or by mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
