Dear Luv Doc,
I go to the gym 3-5 times a week to work out. Sometimes I go on my lunch break and when I do, I usually shower afterward so I don’t come back to the office smelling. Until not too long ago, the showers at (my gym) didn’t have shower curtains, which was a bit odd, but about six months ago they installed opaque plastic shower curtains, so now at least when I shower I don’t have to look up and see some weird guy staring at me while he soaps up his privates. Today I experienced something new when I got out of the shower and there was a guy standing at the shower across from me, fully clothed in long pants, tennis shoes and a hoodie, next to a full backpack, intently engaged on his phone. Luckily I had my towel already wrapped around my waist, but if I hadn’t, his phone would have been pointed directly at my crotch. Remember, this wasn’t in the locker room, this was in the shower area. I got out as quickly as possible because only a mentally ill person would think it’s okay to have their phone out in the shower area, even if they’re doing something innocent. I regularly see people on their phones, texting or chatting in the locker room area where there are always men walking around naked, and I think, “What kind of person thinks that’s okay?” This may be a gray area, but the shower area should definitely be off-limits for phones, right? When I complained to the guy at the front desk, he shrugged and said there wasn’t much they could do. What? I can’t believe I’m the only person who feels this way. I don’t want to change gyms, but I also don’t want the staff to hate me for reporting them over their heads. What should I do?
– Saved by the towel
Because I have a certain allergy to being sued by a bunch of musclemen, I’ve redacted the name of your gym. Weightlifters are a competitive bunch, and while it’s not necessarily a given that your gym is owned by one or more of them, I don’t need to field testosterone-fueled, angry voicemails claiming I didn’t get my facts right. I already know that. What I can say, however, is that you are absolutely not the only person who thinks cell phones in locker rooms are bad manners. I’m behind you there. Absolutely.
I’d love to explain locker room cell phone etiquette, but there isn’t—nor should there be. Pulling out your phone at the gym is bad enough, but I’ll admit that people like to program their own playlists. Not everyone gets inspired by listening to a loop of jock jams. And maybe at some point—say, on leg-training day, when you’re doing leg curls—you won’t be feeling as “Tecumseh Valley” as you imagined when you were putting together your “Best of Townes Van Zandt” compilation, and you’ll want to fast-forward to something more upbeat like “Waitin’ Around to Die.” Of course, you could try to achieve that by tapping your earbuds, but if you’re not careful, you’ll end up looking like Leonardo DiCaprio in Gilbert Grape – Somewhere in Iowa. I can’t believe I’m actually saying this, but you’re safe if you actually pull out your phone and use that thousand-dollar touchscreen. But you better do it quickly — like you’re trying to discreetly close an embarrassing porn site — or people will think you’re suspicious. And they’re right; if you don’t have the patience for “Tecumseh Valley,” you might not even want to listen to Townes.
As for the locker room, you should only pull out your phone to quickly put it in your locker. If you’re one of those people who has important business conversations in the locker room, you should know that no one is impressed that you’re having an important business conversation. They’re just impressed by your level of bullshit. That’s a 10 out of 10. In fact, it makes me sad that I even have to bring this up. However, pulling out a phone in an area where people are actively showering is just absolutely psychotic. You were smart not to confront him. Anyone who pulls that kind of shit should be tasered… or at least attacked by a group of pumped-up weightlifters. You were absolutely right to report him to the gym staff, and it’s absolutely indefensible that they didn’t do anything about it. I say take it to the top. Heads should roll – or at least the policy should be updated and clearly communicated.
If you don’t have the patience for “Tecumseh Valley,” you might not even want to listen to Townes.
