Guest is not allowed to attend the wedding reception, but must bring a gift

Wedding gift etiquette generally states that those who can’t attend the celebration should still give the couple a gift. But what happens if you were originally invited to the event but were later banned? This was the case with one Reddit user who described a situation where his girlfriend banned him from attending her reception because he wouldn’t be back from his cruise in time to make it to the ceremony—but he’s still expected to give the woman and her partner a gift.

Taking to the “Am I the A——?” subreddit, the Redditor explained that one of his closest friends is getting married. Although he received an invitation to the celebration, he will be late to attend the ceremony as he is flying back from a cruise in Europe that day. Because of this, the bride informed him that he is not allowed to attend her reception. “I am happy for her, but I am also hurt that I am not allowed to attend the wedding reception,” he wrote. “She said that her wedding planner says I cannot attend as there is a chance I will miss the ceremony.”

Although the man is not allowed to attend, the bride reportedly still expects “a big gift” from him, knowing he has money and has supported her financially in the past. “But I feel like she slammed the door in my face, didn’t make an exception or fight to have me there,” he said. “I’ll be flying back from the other side of the world and driving two hours to the venue, and she just dismissed the travel I’ll have to make for her.”

Given this recent situation and her past, the man assumes the bride is trying to find a reason to stop him from showing up to her wedding. According to his post, although the two have spent a lot of time together, he has never met her family or friends. “I don’t even think she’s ever mentioned me to anyone, and we’ve been close friends for over three years,” he admitted. “The other guy in our friend group has met all of her friends and family and has always been mentioned to others – but it was different with me.” The Redditor also said that the bride comes up with “lame excuses” every time he asks her if she wants to go out, leading him to conclude that she’s “embarrassed” of him.

Due to the bride’s past and present behavior, the guest has decided not to give his girlfriend a wedding gift – despite her suspicions. To make sure he’s making the right decision, the Reddit user turned to the internet for advice. Reddit largely agreed that the guest is perfectly within his rights to forego the gift-giving. Many even encouraged the man to not only say “no” to the wedding, but also to end his friendship with the bride. “If she wanted you there, you could attend every part of the celebration you can,” one user said, while another noted, “There are better options and better people to spend your time and money on.”